Watching. Thinking.

If you’re seeing this blog as an email for the first time, you’re likely thinking

“Did I sign up for this?”

I am inviting a list of closer friends and peers to a weekly blog (we’ll see how well I keep up with that ambition) that simply shares my thoughts (and memories) beyond business and brief interactions. No pressure to keep reading. Like me, you may already have too many unsolicited emails you’ll never make time to read, in which case feel free to unsubscribe and get back to that checklist.

On the other hand, feel free to share with anyone you think might be interested in subscribing.

(I’m not sure what the easiest way would be for new people to subscribe, so they can just reach out directly at josh@joshjmeeks.com or you can reply with their info if you’re seeing this in an email for now.)

These blogs will range from internal dialogues and family adventures to personal theology, books I’m reading and lessons I’m learning.

Some longer and some brief.

Watching. Thinking. Reading. Writing.

This is the method my mind follows and the process I hope to share, exploring one thought to another in this sort of open journal.

How I think is not how I talk. Is it just me?

I can’t be the only one. My experience tells me there’s a spectrum where some folks are saying everything they think with some social and often misplaced confidence and others are never communicating what they feel with much social or environmental insecurity.

My guess is most of us are considering a multitude of thoughts (some more rapidly than others) while internalizing,

I’ve heard some people don’t have an internal dialogue, which I can’t wrap my head around.

“Which of my thoughts are true? Which of my feelings are valid? How is my perspective similar or different from reality or someone else’s perspective? How is this information helpful in my interactions? If it is true, is it helpful and constructive? How much should I communicate externally with my words or my actions what I’m processing internally? How do I remain present and joyful while continuing these internal dialogues?”

Most of the time I internalize a lot, and communicated a little. I think there’s some wisdom in that and some missed opportunity.

Often these thoughts are sequenced in a clear fashionable constructive order and other times they’re like a colony of scattered ants looking for a rhythm.. Memory. Trigger. Smell. Emotion. Nostalgia. Consideration. Distraction. Reoriented. Focused. Filtered. Processed. Present. Situational Awareness. Filed. A burst of considerations within seconds and then back to the present moment.

Disorganized. Reorganized. Categorized. And then layered into happenings of the day until it’s brought back out and dusted off for a moment of work, leisure, meditation or prayer.

I watched National Treasure for the first time 20 years ago and was engaged by the theme of history and mystery of America’s founders. I get it, Nicholas Cage isn’t everyone’s favorite and the storyline is fiction, but their is a line that stuck with me from that movie.

“People don't talk that way anymore,” says Nicholas cage as he stares at the Declaration of Independence.

Riley Poole responds, “ Beautiful, huh?”

Those words stuck with me. We don’t communicate how previous generations used to communicate. Just buy a copy of the New England Primer : For the more easy attaining the true reading of English written in 1777 for a glimpse of that drastic change. But this difference is more than just the evolution of linguistics. Sometimes we’re too distracted to think deeper and other times we’re thinking much more than we are willing to communicate, or than is reasonable to communicate.

It feels uncomfortable, unwelcome or maybe just inefficient in the midst of everything else we’re working through.

The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized there are a lot of people with a heavy volume of thoughts they’re just waiting to share.

A memorable moment. A deep conviction. A sin to repent from. A piece of wisdom to share. A piece of history to learn from.

In between moments of "Received. I'll get back to you shortly" and "Yeah dude. Let's kick it.” there are thoughts that time, space or insecurities don’t seem to accommodate.

“There's a deep well of bees in our brain pan”, as the author of Chains states, that rarely have the time or space to flourish, that if given space could significantly change the trajectory of our life, our relationships and our legacy. Taking a few minutes to listen to someone else’s deep well of non-verbal volley-balling or sharing a consideration beyond the normal pleasantries.

Thoughts of curiosity and philosophy. Thoughts of conviction and theology. Thoughts of insecurity, rejection and failure. And thoughts of camaraderie and appreciation. Not just thoughts of regurgitated social activism based on the loudest voice in our environment, which many of us have heard in abundance over the last decade.

All areas internalized, but rarely evaluated or communicated.

Maybe it’s that too much volume is given to exhausting and confrontational platforms and not enough to what is personal and collaborative. Maybe there are other reasons. Maybe you have your own ideas of why that happens.

These thoughts for me often randomly come up expressed on social media without the space for regular dialogue - similar to this blog as more of a monologue than a dialogue.

My hope is that as this blog and email continue, that others in my environment feel welcomed to have these conversations. I’ll admit, in between structured events, family, church and business, you may often catch me looking like I’m not mentally prepared for a conversation beyond what’s kept within a tightly managed schedule in front of me. But I want to. I want to create space for conversations that are deeper than economics and wider than social etiquettes. It takes be willing to set aside busyness when it’s not at the expense of another commitment or relationship. It also requires doing what doesn’t feel efficient or economical, which is one of the hardest things for me as someone who is incredibly calculated on the efficiency of each task.

Even pausing to read anything that’s not relationship or data driven can feel like a waste.

But being present. Experiencing interrupted unplanned moments and asking for grace on the next appointment if needed - providing a moment of relief for someone in need at the instance it may be needed the most. Those are the moments that slow time down, and sometimes add more purpose than what is lost in the following moments or reorganization around that providential interruption.

>> Reading. Writing.